The Unbearable Lightness of Being Insignificant

Ever since I embarked on the WordPress journey in earnest, I had vowed to maintain a blog that exudes positivity and grace. I catered to what the Internet desired, namely, servings of impeccably crafted words garnished with glossy, curated photography. SoMuchToTellYou was thus underpinned by this very premise, a premise which I am about to turn on its head with what I intend to share. I’m not a deceitful person by nature (can never put on an act to save myself), and yet it would be terribly deceitful of me to say that I am impervious to the darker recesses of a runaway mind.

The truth is, my mind is constantly struggling with the unbearable lightness of insignificance. After all, isn’t every step in life a desire to be felt just a little more?

Remember when our pliable minds of youth were fed with many untruths, chief amongst them being that the world is our oyster, and that we ought to dream big and live bigger? Well, I was forever an easy target for such propaganda.

Armed with such grandiose and quixotic instincts, I blindly charged forth in life feeling I could change the world. There would have been a time, long ago, when I wanted nothing more than to exert my influence, make my mark and repay the society that played its part in raising and nurturing me.

Needless to say that I have achieved very little of my once lofty ambitions. I can’t change the world. I can barely bring about change in myself…

At the end of the day, this is the real reason for blogging. It provides a ready outlet for my garbled streams of consciousness, and has made me feel – if only momentarily – expressive and significant again. Who would have thought that the very soul whom has apparently renounced all conventional forms of social currency should thus crave for attention, for validation, and for meaning?

So here I am, back to my inner sanctuary. Writing. Although who will read, I do not know.

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Dear Reader, I will be MIA for several weeks as I roam distant lands in search of Meaning. I shall miss you all!

Jolene

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24 thoughts on “The Unbearable Lightness of Being Insignificant”

  1. We all need a breather from time to time, if only to make sure we’re still on the right course.

    I’ll wait for you to come back. Good luck finding your meaning! ^_^

  2. Well, I think a bit differently. Our existence already has a meaning since the beginning. Maybe you found yourself insignificant, you cannot change the world but you are a lot meaningful to your family, relatives and friends, and now your readers 🙂 Have fun at MIA!
    P.S: Is MIA acronym name for Miami? Sorry, I am not so good with name haha

    1. You are very rational Len. A part of me knows you are right. Perhaps I’m just a greedy old fool for wanting more 😜
      Sorry, MIA is missing in action. I’ve actually been in your favourite part of the world, checking out 🇯🇵 😁

      1. Oh, was you there to watch cheery blossoms? It must be awesome! There are some sakura trees here in Hamburg, not as much as in Japan though. But they was partly wiped out by an unusual winter 😦

      2. Missed the full bloom (as they only bloom for a week), but caught some snippets… Didn’t know there were sakuras in Germany, you ought to show us!

  3. I feel the same way about my blogging at WordPress.

    I had lofty goals in my youth too. My mental illness seems to block me from those goals to a large degree. I know I won’t achieve some of my old dreams, but I have developed new and attainable ones now in my current situation.

    Milan Kundera is a wonderful writer. I assume you know him given the title of your post. I strive to be a little bit like Tomas.

    1. Thanks for visiting and thanks for sharing such a lovely comment! It is very encouraging to hear that you have developed new and attainable goals to enrich yourself. Perhaps this is what I ought to do…
      Yes, the title is a play on the Kundera novel (I love my classics), although I did struggle to identify with any of the female protagonists. They all seemed to be needy (yet denouncing this through pretensions of “lightness”!), and I refuse to be classified as such. Tomas is a highly complex figure – it would be difficult to master his identity I would have thought? Good luck with your goals and I hope to share the WP journey with you! 😊

    1. Absolutely, thanks Thomas. 🙂 The self is always evolving. There are times when I feel uplifted by the smallest things, only to be brought crashing down by a sudden wave of hopelessness. I guess I just wanted to be honest to myself for once, that all the glossy pictures belie a greater sense of disappointment in varied aspects of our lives.

    1. Hey Sara, thanks for your support! Sometimes I ramble, most times I keep my tongue in check. I guess this is one of the former. 😂 Thanks for the well wishes – I almost always seem to feel more enlightened after an escape. Good luck to you too, hope you’ve found what you are looking for.

  4. I enjoy your writing and shall be reading. Blogging has a way of allowing us to make sense of those things going on inside of us. By writing it down and sharing it with the world, somehow it’s the first step to bringing about action. I hope you do make the changes you want to. Life is hard and there are always obstacles, but don’t stop believing. 🙂

    1. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. Writing seems to be the only thing that I could do sometimes (or is within my sphere of influence). All the best with your blog too! 😊

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