Category Archives: Personal

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Insignificant

Ever since I embarked on the WordPress journey in earnest, I had vowed to maintain a blog that exudes positivity and grace. I catered to what the Internet desired, namely, servings of impeccably crafted words garnished with glossy, curated photography. SoMuchToTellYou was thus underpinned by this very premise, a premise which I am about to turn on its head with what I intend to share. I’m not a deceitful person by nature (can never put on an act to save myself), and yet it would be terribly deceitful of me to say that I am impervious to the darker recesses of a runaway mind.

The truth is, my mind is constantly struggling with the unbearable lightness of insignificance. After all, isn’t every step in life a desire to be felt just a little more?

Remember when our pliable minds of youth were fed with many untruths, chief amongst them being that the world is our oyster, and that we ought to dream big and live bigger? Well, I was forever an easy target for such propaganda.

Armed with such grandiose and quixotic instincts, I blindly charged forth in life feeling I could change the world. There would have been a time, long ago, when I wanted nothing more than to exert my influence, make my mark and repay the society that played its part in raising and nurturing me.

Needless to say that I have achieved very little of my once lofty ambitions. I can’t change the world. I can barely bring about change in myself…

At the end of the day, this is the real reason for blogging. It provides a ready outlet for my garbled streams of consciousness, and has made me feel – if only momentarily – expressive and significant again. Who would have thought that the very soul whom has apparently renounced all conventional forms of social currency should thus crave for attention, for validation, and for meaning?

So here I am, back to my inner sanctuary. Writing. Although who will read, I do not know.

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Dear Reader, I will be MIA for several weeks as I roam distant lands in search of Meaning. I shall miss you all!

Jolene

There’s No Place for Regret in Heaven

The ability of Chinese entrepreneur Jack Ma (founder of e-commerce giant Alibaba) to make headlines around the world is no longer news. Just as the world extols his latest act of kindness – a USD20 million donation to the University of Newcastle as a tribute to his Australian “father” and mentor – it brought to mind a story even closer to home, a story I have been meaning to share.

Almost a month ago today, as Sydney woke up to a toasty mid-summer morning brimming with hopes of a new year, I woke up to the chill of my own consciousness. A man known locally as Sydney’s Shoeshine Brian has died in his sleep. In the grand of scheme of things, the event itself was uneventful (albeit tragic). Sydney Morning Herald dedicated its front page, but its ripple effect was confined to those who remembered him, as the article was soon buried by other worldly news of the day. News of his passing nonetheless sent shockwaves through me, for reasons or sentiments which were not immediately obvious, even to myself that day.

Continue reading There’s No Place for Regret in Heaven

A Place to Call (Second) Home

The Window, The Door & The Teacup

I have lost all track of time as I am sitting here, immersed in my thoughts, of nothing in particular and yet everything at once. I suppose that’s inevitable when you decide to take stock; you are quickly besieged by the unceremonious merger of thoughts from near and afar, the rapid coagulation of moments with years. A reflexive check of the time reveals it to be 11.25pm, 20 December 2016. And as I am about to press the “Publish” button to what will be my 30th post, I cannot help but feel the faint flutters of relief (of how far it has come) and hope (of how far it can go).

I am not sure about you, but I have often wondered about the Writer labouring behind the façade of their impeccably crafted blogs. Their stories never fail to intrigue me. Their lives a reflection of what I aim to achieve for myself one day. So, as for my year-end review (a loose term, of course), I will offer an insight into the Jolene behind SoMuchToTellYou.

Continue reading A Place to Call (Second) Home

Will You Share in this Beautiful Silence with Me?

Dear You,

I fell in love with you the moment I cradled you in my arms. A feisty, bawling bundle of joy. You cried incessantly, at all hours of the day and night, but the nook of my arms seemed to bring you solace, and in return, that impish smile of yours would shine straight to my heart.

You lit up our otherwise unadorned home, every corner of it bearing witness to your ever-enlarging presence and our moments of mirth and laughter together. “Dada”, you’d call, and I would at once drop on my hands and knees and wholeheartedly welcome the commands of my almighty princess. Oh, how you knew your place in my world…

Continue reading Will You Share in this Beautiful Silence with Me?

Romance on the Road – Why It’s Easy & Why It Never Lasts

For the post published on Thought Catalog, click here.

When you think of travelling, do you think of romance? Not the heady heights of a booze-infused orgy, of course, but the kind that sweeps you off your feet with its inexplicable intensity. The kind that sends electric flutters up and down your spine. The kind of whirlwind romance that somehow lingers long after your respective tans have faded and leaves you breathless.

Well, I do.

I’m sure the vast percentage of us have had our brush with romance on the road (perhaps more than we care to admit, even to ourselves). Sometimes it is not important whether the event itself leaves us singing its praises, or goes down in the annals of history as another episode of Hangover. What takes precedence is the belief that it is better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. Continue reading Romance on the Road – Why It’s Easy & Why It Never Lasts

30 – Happy (and I Know It)

Perhaps it is the onset of spring (at least for us lucky souls in the Southern Hemisphere). Perhaps it is the halo effect of my (now distant) sojourn in Scandinavia, the Land of Everlasting Happiness. I’m staring down the barrel of my fourth decade on Earth, and yet instead of fear, or distress, or a sense of foreboding commonly attributed to a female leaving her roaring twenties behind, I am in a state that can only be described as brimming with expectancy. Continue reading 30 – Happy (and I Know It)

6 Ways to Beat Post-Travel Blues 

An abridged version of this post appears in Thought Catalog, click here.

It has been all of three weeks since my escapade in Europe has come to a close. Since then, it has been an agonising three weeks of endless corporate drudgery, interspersed with wistful reminiscences and reveries. Whilst I have fallen back into a routine and everything has regained a semblance of normality, I know that deep down my outlook on life has been forever transformed and that I am no longer the same. Continue reading 6 Ways to Beat Post-Travel Blues